Santa may be making his list and checking it twice, but naughty or nice Christmas presents just won’t cut it for a horsey girl. Don’t fall into the festive trap and buy her one of these…
1. Perfume. She spends her days up to her knees in muck and covered in sweat — both her own and her horse’s. Do you honestly think she fancies some Chanel? She’ll be the first to tell you that her favourite scent is Eau de Cheval.
2. Earrings. They’re not allowed in the show ring, so there’s really no point, is there? In fact, veto all jewellery as impractical, unless it’s something woven out of her horse’s tail hair. Good luck with that one…
3. Chocolates. She has to keep her weight down because she doesn’t want to overload the horse. Besides, you can’t eat chocolates on horseback.
4. Lingerie. Chances are that what you think is sexy she’ll think is tacky, tacky, tacky. And seriously uncomfortable. Have you ever tried galloping a horse while wearing a cheese-cutter nylon thong? Actually, best not to answer that… (A word to the wise, chaps: NEVER buy a girl “sexy” lingerie, whether she’s horsey or not.)
5. A onesie. Ridiculous garment. You can’t get jods or breeches over it.
6. Shoes. Your average girl might be thrilled with a pair of Jimmy Choos, but for the horsey girl you’d be better off buying something from Dubarry.
7. An M&S voucher. They don’t sell riding gear, silly.
8. A handbag. Some women, granted, love their arm candy, but horsey girls aren’t usually among them. However, if you want to buy her something leather, a new saddle wouldn’t go amiss. Though it might cost you twice as much as a Mulberry.
9. Gloves. They might seem like a good idea, but not elegant ladies’ leather ones — the reins will slip through them like a greased weasel.
10. Any horsey book by one Nicola Jane Swinney. Your girl already knows all this stuff.
Desperate for inspiration? Here’s what you should buy your horsey girl instead!