Ten ways to ride off those Christmas calories

By Nicola Jane Swinney on |


Work off your Christmas excess with your horse

We all overindulge at Christmas, but at least horsey folk get some exercise to work off the excesses. Whether they want it or not…

1. Input: Smoked salmon and Buck’s fizz
Output: 10 minutes of anguished hopping on one leg because the darned horse trod on your foot.

2. Input: three cocktail sausage rolls
Output: 10 minutes of urgent skipping out because the darned horse waited till you’d laid a fresh bed before answering the call of nature.

3. Input: two pineapple and cheese on sticks and a vol-au-vent
Output: Lugging about six feed and water buckets because you volunteered to do early stables during the holidays.

4. Input: six roast potatoes
Output: Traipsing round the field for 45 minutes with a head collar and a bucket of pony nuts because the darned horse won’t be caught.

5. Input: three slices of roast turkey
Output: 15 minutes of energetic grooming because the darned (grey) horse has rolled in the muddy bit again.

6. Input: Parsnips and stuffing
Output: 20 minutes of walking back to the meet because the darned horse dumped you at the third fence.

7. Input: Christmas pudding and brandy cream
Output: 2 hours of poo-picking in a five-acre field. Whose idea was this?

8. Input: one of each colour out of a giant tin of Quality Street
Output: 1 hour of pulling out ragwort — insanely mild December means the devil weed is growing again!

9. Input: three mince pies
Output: 20 minutes of chasing pony round field with its New Zealand rug dragging on the floor.

10. Input: Brussels sprouts
Output: 5 minutes of galloping across the fields. Not to get rid of the calories; just because it’s fun.

Image: Christmas pudding by James Petts via Flickr, CC BY-SA 2.0


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